If I'd known you were coming I'd have shampooed the cat,
Cleaned up the bathroom, worn your favourite hat.
If I'd known you were coming before you knocked on my door,
I'd have emptied out the ashtrays, swept the beer cans from the floor.
But I didn't get your letter, didn't read your fax,
I must have trashed your email and the cellphone battery's flat.
If I'd known you were coming, if you'd only let me know,
I'd have kicked that girl right out the house at least an hour ago.
If I'd known you were coming before you knocked on my door,
I'd have kicked that girl right out the bed at least an hour before.
You didn't have to act that way, it was all a big mistake,
Throwing dog doo through my windows, and don't forget the snake!
You didn't have to act that way, I think you went too far,
You could have let the tyres down but you set fire to my car.
But I didn't get your letter, didn't read your fax,
I must have trashed your email and the cellphone battery's flat.
If I'd known you were coming, if you'd only let me know,
I'd have kicked that girl right out the house at least an hour ago.
If I'd known you were coming before you knocked on my door,
I'd have kicked that girl right out the bed at least an hour before.